Hollywood is filled with musicians who’ve efficiently crossed over into appearing (Woman Gaga, Will Smith, Ice Dice, and so on.); whereas they’d by no means win Oscars for his or her components, even metallic icons similar to Alice Cooper and Gene Simmons have confirmed to be surprisingly competent at it.
Sadly, the identical can’t be mentioned for many of their style colleagues who’ve additionally appeared on the small or silver display. To be truthful, these roles are normally reserved for actually low cost horror, motion, and/or crime tasks (so expectations for high quality are already low). Or, they’re introduced on for an thrilling however temporary cameo (so their appearing talents barely matter).
Clearly, we’re simply having a little bit of enjoyable right here, so please don’t this listing too severely or interpret it as disrespecting anybody’s musical legacy. In spite of everything, each one in every of these artists is a bona fide metallic legend, however that doesn’t imply they belong in entrance of the digicam.
However, there have been some actually unhealthy performances by a few of our favourite vocalists and instrumentalists. So, why not dig into 10 of probably the most egregious examples beneath?
Glenn Danzig – Dying Rider within the Home of Vampires (2021)
Glenn Danzig is nothing if not stubbornly confident. Typically, his confidence and persistence result in nice issues (early Danzig, Misfits); different occasions, nevertheless, his tasks fall flat on their faces (nearly all of his cinematic endeavors). Simply take a look at 2021’s Dying Rider within the Home of Vampires, an unbiased horror/Western that Danzig wrote, directed, and appeared in (as bloodthirsty gunslinger Unhealthy Bathory).
The film is sort of like a particularly underfunded and underdeveloped From Nightfall Until Daybreak, and Danzig’s sneering badass façade doesn’t assist. Granted, even its most established actors – Devon Sawa, Julian Sands, Kim Director, Danny Trejo – are satisfactory at greatest, but Danzig’s try-hard sinister coolness comes off as amateurishly stilted and weird by comparability. His monotone deliveries, stiff actions, and compelled laughter can’t conceal his lack of vary and comfortability, so it’s primarily inconceivable to consider something he does.
Ozzy Osbourne – Trick or Deal with (1986)
There’s a elementary hipness and likability that permeates practically all the things Ozzy Osbourne does, particularly when he’s satirizing himself or the music trade as an entire. Due to this fact, his well timed flip as Rev. Aaron Gilstrom in 1986’s cult traditional comedy/horror/musical Trick or Deal with is inherently pleasant as a result of he’s mocking the televangelists who vilified heavy metallic through the decade.
Novelty doesn’t all the time equal high quality, although, and Ozzy’s discuss present stint – which begins midway into the runtime – is undeniably awkward. For instance, you may inform that he’s struggling to recollect and/or recite his strains on account of his looking gaze, random pauses, and lack of ability to keep up eye contact with the host. Plus, he’s utterly lacking a character. It’s very enjoyable to see him, however you are feeling as misplaced as he does as soon as the scenes get going.
(Additionally, sure, Gene Simmons provides a greater efficiency as DJ Nuke.)
Henry Rollins – He By no means Died (2015)
As one in every of metallic’s most mental and intense orators, Henry Rollins’ spoken phrase displays, essays, interviews, and the like are normally compelling. Though his gravelly sincerity works positive in these contexts, it doesn’t translate as successfully to his appearing.
2015’s He By no means Died illustrates that properly. Rollins performs Jack, an anti-social and immortal cannibal who will get concerned with mobsters, kidnapping, and vengeance. It’s a enjoyable journey, for certain, with Rollins expectedly kicking ass, spilling blood, and taking names. The issue is that he’s concurrently over-the-top and one-note, screaming and speeding by his rage with the eagerness of an individual who’s determined to not flub their strains reasonably than an individual who’s convincingly residing within the second.
He’s no much less odd when conversing and reacting calmly since he sounds so confused and indifferent.
Tommy Lee – The Goldbergs (2020)
Like nearly all of fashionable sitcoms, The Goldbergs – no relation to the early twentieth century radio/TV present – has quite a few strikes in opposition to it. One of many largest is its strained reliance on cameos to be related (together with Robert Englund, “Bizarre Al” Yankovic, Hulk Hogan, Martin Starr, and Miranda Cosgrove). That mentioned, Tommy Lee’s spot as (you guessed it) Professor Lee in season seven episode “Preventa Mode” is amongst his cringiest on-camera decisions (which is saying lots).
True, the concept of him taking part in in opposition to sort and mocking rock music as “deafening noise made by morally questionable gentleman” is respectably self-aware. It’s simply that he comes throughout so picket (and barely inebriated), and his chemistry and timing in relation to the opposite actors is so dreadful that they may as properly have filmed their components individually.
Maynard James Keenan – Bikini Bandits (2002)
Along with singing and songwriting, Maynard James Keenan incessantly brings eccentric antics to his on-stage and video work with Software, A Good Circle, and Puscifer. Consequently, he’s used to portraying uncommon characters and doing the groundwork to turn into competent in entrance of the digicam. Whereas his scenes in 2009’s Crank: Excessive Voltage, 2011’s Vile, and 2012’s Queens of Nation are first rate, his time as Devil in 2002’s Bikini Bandits isn’t.
The plot revolves across the titular renegade girls making a cope with Keenan to “return in time, earlier than the delivery of Christ, and defile the Virgin Mary.” Each second of it embraces the period’s love-it-or-hate-it MTV humor, and to his credit score, Keenan is not any worse than the Bandits themselves. That’s not a praise, nevertheless, as a result of they’re all pedestrian at it, with self-congratulatory edgelord smirking that may’t assist however make you cringe.
Sadly, Keenan isn’t any higher within the 2004 sequel.
Randy Blythe – The Graves (2009)
Randy Blythe appears to like chewing the surroundings in horror movies, as he’s proven up in options similar to 2020’s Chew College 2 and 2016’s Hairmetal Shotgun Zombie Bloodbath: The Film. (He additionally had a daily and respectable recurring position on Paradise Metropolis, so there’s that.) It’s his first – and surprisingly sizable – gig in 2009’s The Graves that will get him a nod right here, although.
The enduring vocalist – billed as D. Randall Blythe – portrays Deacon Luke, one in every of many spiritual psychopaths who torment two sisters after they’ve the misfortune of travelling to Cranium Metropolis Mine in Arizona. Other than deliberately wanting ridiculous, his fixed throatiness, off-kilter inflections, and relentless scowling lack nuance and plausibility. In making an attempt to be as menacing as attainable visually and verbally, Blythe merely embodies a disgruntled emo teenager who thinks they’re darkish as a result of they store at Sizzling Matter.
We knew this was a nasty thought from the soar.
Dee Snider – Strangeland (1998)
Dee Snider undoubtedly deserves respect for penning the script to this 1998 psychological horror movie, in addition to for sitting within the make-up chair for a number of hours at a time to turn into twisted antagonist Carlton Hendricks (a.ok.a. Captain Howdy). Though he definitely seems to be the a part of a serial killer who’s obsessive about physique modifications and predatory web practices, the Twisted Sister frontman lacks the authenticity and gradation wanted to offer the character enough depth and malice.
Admittedly, he’s higher than at the least half of the opposite folks we’re discussing, however that’s not saying a lot, and it’s clear that at the least 90% of his imposingness comes from his physique and inherently off-putting tattoos, piercings, and the like. In different phrases, his appearing is unquestionably model over substance, which is the other of what makes equally deranged cinematic murders similar to Buffalo Invoice (The Silence of the Lambs), Norman Bates (Psycho), and Pearl (Pearl) totally terrifying.
To place it bluntly, Kirk Hammett deserves a Golden Raspberry Award for gifting us with what’s concurrently the briefest and feeblest efficiency on this listing. It occurs throughout Netflix’s decent-at-best teen comedy/drama Steel Lords (2002), and the lead guitarist seems alongside legends Scott Ian, Rob Halford, and Tom Morello as a part of protagonist Kevin’s conscience.
You see, the excessive schooler has been flirting with a lady named Kendall, and finally, they wind up making out in a pool. Nevertheless, Kevin additionally has emotions for fellow scholar Emily, so he manifests the musicians to assist him determine what to do. Presumably, all 4 of them are phoning of their cameos, but it’s Hammett’s contributions which might be notably awkward and light-weight. You may virtually see him studying off the cue playing cards as he goes.
Ace Frehley – Treatment (2005)
If nothing else, this mediocre 2005 crime drama (revolving round homicide, medication, misguided accusations, and different clichéd plot factors) is marginally elevated by The Sopranos alumni Arthur J. Nascarella, Frank Vincent, and Vincent Pastore. However, it’s introduced down by quite a few other people who haven’t any enterprise pretending to be fictional characters, with Ace Frehley’s Johnny standing out for all of the improper causes.
Johnny speaks with fundamental character Will Bentley a handful of occasions, and he all the time looks like he’s falling asleep and not sure of the place he’s. Positive, that could possibly be intentional given the movie’s subject material, however there ought to nonetheless be extra complexity to his efforts. (Plus, his resolution to continually communicate in flavorless and inaudible mumbles solely serves to make him really feel bizarrely disconnected from every scene.)
Lemmy Kilmister – Eat the Wealthy (1987)
Contemplating that Motörhead contributed six songs to Eat the Wealthy’s soundtrack (together with the title monitor), it’s little surprise why bassist/vocalist Lemmy Kilmister additionally confirmed up as political henchman/conspirator Spider within the film itself. Truly, it was his first correct appearing job outdoors of music movies, and though the top consequence wasn’t terrible sufficient to forestall him from being casted in 1990’s {Hardware}, 1999’s Frezno Easy, and varied Troma Leisure tasks (amongst different titles), it’s not very commendable, both.
Lemmy’s pure coolness mechanically provides some appeal to what he’s doing, but it surely’s not sufficient to compensate for a nearly lifeless flip that’s amateurish at greatest and transparently bored and uncomfortable at worst. In reality, it’s as if he’s hiding behind his sun shades in order that there are fewer facial expressions for audiences (and critics) to guage.
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